18th Day – A List In A Story

November 18th –

A shiny sun today.

Summer-warm air today.

And a too heavy heart.

Why is it, that a heart who can have such a deep desire, that can be so filled up with a longing for right, and good, and hope, and joy, and love, and faith, and Jesus, can also be in the body and flesh of such disappointment of that, of failure and yucky mess?
I go along and every thing I spot is doing a good job.
All of them are.
As you walk by them, as you take a minute to look at them you can feel their smile.

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The big tall trees.
Look at them – standing so tall. Everybody looks up to them. Really, whether they want to or not.
The trees are doing a good job, they’re solid until their time is done. They’re bark is textured, up, up, up, to the tips of their branches that reach to the sky, the sun is shining brightly off the beautiful limbs from half way up. The trees seem so huge, with those big arms that reach so far, so high, that affect such a span of space and things. And they stand there with other trees like them. They’re all different, but they’re all trees, reaching out far, and up high, solid.

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There are the animals – cats and dogs around.
Each one, again, different, but each one seems happy, they know what they’re doing.
It’s a funny thing, for all the beastly selfish attitudes there normally are where they are, I can’t find one today. They all seem to smile, and some don’t seem to, but do indeed!
They aren’t big like the trees, but they sure do reach far. They wander to different places on different missions – hunting, exploring, playing, sometimes just curiosity, I suppose.
But most times they are resting around in the same place, here.
Sometimes they don’t seem to be doing their job well, as I mentioned before (especially among the cats) and sometimes they fight – smacking each other which the cats do often, biting each other which they all would do – but even then, they are methodical about it. Watch them, they’re clever and confident. They know what they’re doing, they know what their point and purpose is.
Most the time, as the trees, they never waver from this, and they fulfill their individual purpose until their time is done.
So the animals are doing a good job, too.

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I find some very tiny leaves on some bush branches, little different kinds of grass growing out of the dirt, and some miniature bright flowers in small clumps.
Yep, all doing what they’re supposed to do, too.
They’re just “the tiny things”, but even these tiny things just waiting to be walked on, broken off, unnoticed, are making the way pretty, are doing what they’re supposed to.
They’re brave. They’re so excellent. And what a great job they’re doing!
Maybe they’re my favorite because I know being small.
But the flowers……if anything smiles it’s flowers who do. They’re faces are so happy.
They know what they’re doing, too, just like all the other good things.

Or, maybe not……..

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I see one.
A flower, just like all the rest. Beautiful, just like all the rest. Serving a point and purpose, made for a reason, just like all the rest.
But this one, it must not know what it’s doing.
It’s closed up. It’s hiding.
It isn’t perfect like all the others seem to be.
I smile.
It’s nice to know, and I’m thankful.
Maybe a little something goes into my heart.
It’s not closed tight, so see, it’s trying, so see, it’s coming.
It must be learning, or finding.
But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
I’m not the only one who can’t always do it right.
I’m not the only one who’s ever failed.
I’m not the only one who has problems.
A flower, still, even though it’s not opened all the way.
Bright, but it’s not the brightest it could be yet.
Doing something, serving a purpose, for a reason, just like all the other “little things”.
Learning and opening, even though it’s slowly, and even though it’s not where the others are.
I wonder what it is this flower has come through, what it is that it’s going through.
Whatever, I smile.
I smile because it’s good to know I’m not alone, and I smile because I know something this flower might not know yet – that it is coming.

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One thought on “18th Day – A List In A Story

  1. Emily, glad you found encouragement in the sweet little flower — slowly growing! I think one reason we find ourselves not “perfectly performing” is that we have soul and are in a fight that’s “not against flesh and blood.” Great satisfaction is ours when we succeed because we CHOOSE right.
    I especially like the last line of this quote from C.S. Lewis:
    “God created things which had free will. That means creature which can go either wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong; I cannot. If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.”
    No, you aren’t alone — there is a great company of us right there with you — striving and not always succeeding — desperately needing Christ to change us/make something beautiful of our mess/give us the power to choose right today!

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